Throughout this Quarter I have been a complete wreck and I’m having a hard time determining the reason for it all. I’m beginning to believe that my lack of spending time with her is starting to take a toll on me and beginning to wear down on my soul. For about a month and a half now I’ve been doing work and school five days a week and it’s been seriously cutting into our “Daddy and me time” but the funny thing is I don’t think she even notices because I’ve been balancing out the time pretty well with letting her stay up a little later and spending my entire off days with her so a part of me thinks that everything is cool.
The other part of me however is wondering how long I can keep up this charade before my angel realizes what’s going on around her and starts asking questions. Although she’s only 3 y/o she is extremely smart and doesn’t miss much from accidental curse words to the proper way to change-out a Blue-Ray in the PS3 she doesn’t miss a thing. 5 more weeks is all I have left and school wise things seem to be going pretty good though my health and sanity have suffered quite a bit deep down I know it will all be worth it in the end.
I often wonder where I would be if I didn’t have here at all and all that comes to mind is an empty bottle of tequila and a scuffed up pair of Forces. Chris Rock once said that his only job in life was to keep his daughter off the pole and I sympathize with this in every possible way. By completing school getting my degree and a better career I will accomplish this goal indeed and then some. Only 5 more weeks left then its “our” time again , maybe a vacation or maybe just sitting at the house but either way it will be “our” time. So as she sleeps and I do my undesired homework I’m filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment knowing that as long as I’m around she will never have a need to be on the pole and she will always be tucked into her favorite set of sheets.
Well I can't say that I have officially been a single parent. What I can say is that we each have a goal that we are trying to reach. Stay focused and enjoy the time that you can spend with your little angel.
ReplyDeleteVery well said B. I know your feeling. When I first started school it was work six days and school five. I too felt like I was cheating my son because I made sure he was up and ready for school and home just in time to put him to bed. It only bothered me util I remember that all the work hours were for decent clothes and meals for him. The school hours are for a better future for him. All the hard work is to give our kids a better life than we had. So to you I say stay strong my brother and knowing you for the time that I have I know you will be successful after graduating.
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